Why do you want to lose weight?

If I counted all the reasons I wanted to lose weight I’d have to break this post down into chapters. So I’ll stick to my top 5.

#5: I want to really enjoy shopping for clothes again and be able to shop in any store (not just the big girl store.)

#4: I want to feel comfortable (i.e. No more of that pinched, button of your pants feeling hitting you in the crease of your stomach.)

#3: I want to feel sexy again.

#2: I want to be healthy

#1: And mostly, I want a baby.

I know what you’re thinking. “Uh…Shannon, that’s not how it works. You don’t lose weight and get preggers….takes a little more…uh…effort.” I know, I know (sorry, I had to throw in some humor) but let’s be honest. Most people wouldn’t think that losing weight would help them have a baby, but for me, it might.

Here’s where things get personal. And again, to keep this from turning into a novel, I’ll break it down to the Reader’s Digest version. So, basically, I’ve always had regular periods until last year. The hubs and I had been on birth control since we’ve been married, and last March, we decided that we were going to let nature take its course and you know… see what happened. In July I had my last period. When I didn’t have another in August, I thought, “Boy, that was pretty easy! I’m pregnant!” So, I took a test and it was negative. Bummer. Then September came and went, again, with no period. A dozen pregnancy tests later, I finally went to see a doctor in October who put me on Progesterone, which made me menstruate but it doesn’t make you ovulate. Finally, when didn’t have a period in November, I decided to see a fertility doctor. I met with a different doctor & told him I had researched polycystic ovarian syndrome and I thought I might have it. I told him I had gained quite a bit of weight in the last year, I was hairier (eww, I know), suddenly had acne, and I wasn’t having periods (all symptoms of PCOS). So, he took blood samples, ran tests, and said my insulin levels were a teensy bit high. He said I might have PCOS, so he gave me Metformin. Long story short, I’m taking the Metformin to help regulate my insulin levels, which then helps regulate my hormones (which feel totally out of whack). One thing he did say, that I already knew, but it had a deeper impact on me coming from a doctor was to reduce the symptoms of PCOS & to help get my hormones back on track, I would need to lose weight.

So here I am, trying my darndest. I want a baby more than anything in this world, and if losing weight gets me that much closer, I’ll do it. Anytime I feel the urge to order the burger and fries instead of a salad with grilled chicken, I remind myself of what I want most. It’s my #1 reason and a huge motivator. And while I’m hopeful and optimistic, I also know that losing weight might not be all it takes. And that’s okay. But right now, I need motivation and at least after I lose the weight, whether it helps with fertility or not, I won’t look back and think, “What if….”

What are your top 5 reasons?

-Shannon

Comparitively Speaking

"Jealousy is all the fun you think they had." ~Erica Jong

Before I posted my actual weight on this site (and others), I worried for a long time if people would think I was gross or try to compare their weight to my own. Then I decided that we all need to just get over that. More than anything, I need encouragement as that number goes down and help when that number stays the same or possibly goes up; I need the accountability.

I'm 5'3" tall and small-framed... that doesn't give me a lot of room for "extra cushion." So while some women might not think I weigh much or need to lose that much weight I am still very overweight; I think I was even up in the "obese" category for a while.

I've had several women who are taller than me or bigger boned say "I wish I weighed the same as you... you don't have that much to lose." Several thoughts usually pop into my head after someone says that to me:

--"Well, I wish I were taller like you so I had somewhere to hide some of these extra pounds."

--"I wish I had big gazongas like you so they could hide my tummy."

--"I wish my torso was longer like yours."

--"I wish my butt was rounder like yours."

--"I wish.... you get the point!!

THEN I realize what I'm doing and start cursing us both for comparing ourselves.

I don't want anyone else's body. I want mine. I love my body. For years I struggled with my body but it has shown me time and time again that it is capable of beautiful things. Now it's up to me to prove that I deserve such a beautiful body by taking good care of it.

Comparing yourself to other women can only be destructive--NO GOOD will come out of it. Instead, let's work WITH other women. The power of women joining together with a common goal is indescribable...

so let's stop comparing--

we've got more important things to do!

XOXO

-Katie

damn easter candy

I work right next to a Walgreens, so usually we'll walk over there to take a little break and get a drink or a treat. I used to get a treat almost every time I went. Usually a Cowtail or something small, but it adds up! Well, when lent started, I gave up sugar. That lasted about 3 weeks and then I went down to St. George for my Grandpa's 80th birthday and ate cake.

Anyway, I haven't been as strict as I should be and today, I had a moment of weakness. I walked to Walgreens to buy some allergy medicine (damn hay fever) & their mini bags of Cadbury Eggs were on sale (you know, the chocolaty goodness covered in a pastel candy shell?) and I bought one. And I ate it. And it was sooo good. But of course, after I ate it I felt guilty. I mean, the pack only had about 10 little eggs in it (the size of a serving in the regular pack) but still.

I feel like that is how the rest of my life will be. Diet, diet, diet and then feel guilt when I eat something sweet or thats bad for me. Even if it's in moderation. And let's be honest...I know it's a lifestyle change, but even as I change my eating habits, I feel like I'll always feel that guilt.

Can you relate? Do you feel guilty too? So tonight I'll go jogging and push myself harder to erase the guilt from those damn candies.