Hypocrisy

So, did I mention to you guys that emotional eating (B.E.D.) is bad?

I did? Well, it still doesn't stop me.

And just after I told my Sole Sisters that I was so proud of myself for NOT eating my emotions, too.

Does that make me a hypocrite? I don't think so (and I'd appreciate you not telling me if you disagree).

I'm a work in progress. I never claimed to be perfect; I'm working through and pushing forward and

trying

my

best.

Here's the thing...

I've been thinking a lot lately about someone dear to me who passed away because of a lifelong battle with an eating disorder. This also makes me think about a recent discovery that an old high school classmate is slowly succumbing to anorexia. Every new picture I see of her she looks worse and worse and I can't get the thought out of my head that she's going to lose the battle, too.

So what is my thought process?

"I miss her."

"I wish I'd spent more time with her."

"I wish I could have helped."

And then...

"I wish I felt comfortable enough to say something to her... to reach out to her before it's too late."

And then I eat.

And eat.

until I can't think of these things anymore.

Until the pain I was feeling in my heart is now pain in my stomach.

It hurts.

Someday I will reach a point in my life where I won't have to reach for the food in order to fill the holes that raw emotions create inside of me.

But that day is not today

and I have to be ok with that.

How else can I push through, move forward, and grow?

XOXO

-Katie