Thursday, March 31, 2011

hey there pretty lady

Most of the time I feel like Homer Simpson in this picture.
I look in the mirror and I see a pretty girl with features I like. Nice smith, pretty eyes, and good skin. I even like the way I look most days and tell myself, "Dang girl! You lookin' fine!"

And then I see a picture of myself like this, squint, adjust my glasses and then stare at it with my jaw on the floor and think, " cannot really be how I look."
All I see when I look at this is Chubby McChub. It is a harsh reality and a slap in the face. Some might call it a wake up call in fact, and it was exactly that for me. I almost had a panic attack when I saw this picture when it was taken last summer. I avoided scales for a long time and I honestly don't even know if I was heavier then or if I weigh the same now. But seeing that picture again is just another one to add to my wall of motivation! I need to post a big sign under it that says "NEVER AGAIN!"

The important thing is that I'm working on it, but every day is a freaking struggle. Oh how I wish it was easy to make good food choices. I wish I didn't have to think about everything I put in my mouth, but old habits die hard! I'm slowly learning new, healthier habits, and I hope someday sooner than later, that the decisions get easier and it won't be such an inner battle between the fat girl now vs. the thin girl I used to and want to be!

So here's my do you view yourself? Am I the only one with rose colored glasses on when I look in the mirror, and stand in shock when I see a picture of the real me?

I can't wait for the day when I actually like to see pictures of myself again. (Sounds narcissistic but it's true!)


Mama2girls said...

I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever see myself the way I really am... At this point, I might just be too jaded. I've lost 15.5 lbs since the beginning of the year. I'm wearing the smallest size I remember since college and I'm 8 lbs under my pre pregnancy weight from before my youngest daughter... yet, I still look in the mirror and see "rolls". I feel like I have conditioned myself to see a chubby girl in the mirror, even though I am sure I don't appear that way to anyone else these days. Sigh. Its hard.

Ron from NJ said...

You are far from the only one who has colored glasses when looking at themselves. Almost anyone I know has a poor body image. They always think they look better than they are OR they always think they look worse than they do. The test is how do you deal with it?

I believe I will always see an overweight slob, no matter what I manage to do with my body. Luckily for me, I can lock that away when I have to or I would feel paralyzed most of the time. If you figure out a way to get an accurate image in your head, let me know.

Katie said...

I think we're always more critical of ourselves. I think you look great in that picture! So, take that!

I do want to say that I totally know what you mean, though. I have had some of my favorite outfits ruined simply because I got caught wearing it in a photograph.

Karlie said...

I can totally relate. I think that's how I got here in the first place. Seeing something different in the mirror, until the reality hit. And comparing myself to a chic on Biggest Losser who weighed the same as me and thinking to myself. Do I really look like that? Stick with it girl.

Sarah Kopf said...

I can completely relate, but human nature is to be overly critical. It's a hard habit to break. I think the biggest part of my journey has been self acceptance----and as corny as it sounds, self love.


P.S. I'm new to your blog. Hope you don't mind. :)