a new start

It's a sad, sad day when you forget you even have a blog dedicated to losing weight.

I got an update on Facebook saying someone had "liked" the Skinny Jeans Facebook page and I was like, "Wha?!" (say that like the minion on Despicable Me)

I seriously thought I deleted this blog for some reason. I think it was more of the "out of sight, out of mind" that made me forget about it.

Here's an update on me.

I had a baby in February and gained...wait for it...50+ pounds during my pregnancy. I was 2 points away from having gestational diabetes (which is scary and probably why my baby was so big two weeks early!). I had good intentions for eating healthy during my pregnancy as I was terrified of gaining weight. I was already overweight when I got pregnant and the thought of having more weight to lose was overwhelming. But alas, I started eating whatever I wanted while I was pregnant and the pounds crept on. 

Another contributing factor to the weight gain was the fact that I developed preeclampsia. I was retaining so much water & was so so swollen. But honestly, that could have only added a few pounds. 

Anyway, to make a long story short, I had my baby 2 weeks early (he was 9 pounds - you can read more about that on my personal blog) and by 12 weeks, I was down to my pre-baby weight. I was eating less, but not really exercising (I was too freaked out to take my baby outside in the cold) but I was nursing which I think helped a lot.

And now I am stuck at a weight that I've been for the past 3 years. 

I'm starting over, once again. Something has got to click this time and I've got to keep at it. 

So if anyone out there is still reading this blog, please share your advice. What has worked for you? What keeps you motivated? How did you get to the point where it "just clicked"? 

Hope you stay with me through this!

Shan

{it's calling my name}

One of our clients at work brought pizza and other crap in to our office for lunch yesterday. Thankfully, I wasn't there to be tempted. Unfortunately, there is still a huge 6 gallon tub of cheese puffs sitting on the counter calling me name.

"Shan! Shan! Partake of my cheesey, crunchy deliciousness!"

And of course, sitting right next to the barrel 'o cheese is the box full of assorted brownies saying,

"Hey baby- wanna piece of me?"   Yes. Yes, I do.

I don't know which is harder to resist, but both are calling out to me like a preacher to a sinner. 

There is a constant chant in my head saying "be good, be good, be good, be good, be good..." I know the more I resist, the easier it will be in the future to resist, but right now, it's so damn hard!

I got up early this morning and went to the gym with my husband. He joined the express Golds gym in Draper and I have a Golds membership as well. It's the first time I've used it in months. Sad, I know! 

He woke us up at 5:45, which is so early! I've gotten up a million times before at 6:00 but for some reason, that 15 minutes makes and feels like a huge difference! We got our clothes ready the night before so we could just head out, but I realized my legs were hairy and so I had to shave really quick. I didn't want to be the fat, amazonian woman at the gym. One or the other, but not both! 

So the hubs left before me and I met him there. It wasn't as intimidating as I thought it was going to be. Plus, knowing someone there makes it a LOT easier to go! My hubs was there, along with my brother in law, and I even saw a good friend. I ran/walked on the treadmill and my legs felt so jello-y afterwords that I almost fell when I stepped off. I tried my best to walk normal afterwords, but I'm sure I looked a little tipsy! 

Even though waking up early was a struggle, I'm SO glad that I got my workout out of the way for the day. Plus, as much as I am not a morning person, I do enjoy being up and at 'em early and ready for the day! The drive to work was beautiful & I felt great!

I started the day off right and I'm ending it that way!

So cheese puffs & brownies- you can shove it (into someone else's mouth)!

I'm being good!

a few thoughts

So last night, Andrew and I took our "before" pictures. He wants to lose 20 pounds. I want to lose a few more. Like 40 more. My goal seems so far away, so right now, I'm taking it 10 pounds at a time. When that ten pounds is gone, I'll go for the next, until I can finally feel comfortable and confident again!

Now that my mind is made up, I'm so pumped and excited to see results! Every time I think about eating more than I should or eating something that isn't worth the calories, I think about how badly I want this. I think about how confident and happy I was when I was thinner!

I've also been thinking about what I'm in control of and what I can't control. I decided that there is so much in my life that I'm not in control of right  now- my job, my fertility, etc, and if there is ONE thing I CAN control, it's my weight.

After dinner tonight, I went for a jog. I warmed up and then started. The first 15 seconds or so were great! I thought, "This isn't as bad as I thought it would be..." and then my heart rate started pounding and I was gasping for air. I told myself I had to keep going, and I did. I ran the whole length of the street I was jogging on (probably only 1/8 of a mile, but still) and walked fast when I got to the corner and for the rest of the way. It's a small accomplishment, but I made myself do it. It was hard, but I ran it! Woo hoo!I can't wait until I can run the WHOLE time like I used to years ago- 3 miles of running without stopping! I'll get there!

What are your goals? What motivates you?

{damn you holiday treats!}

hello blog- it's been a few weeks!

I'm doing well- not as well as I could be- due to the plethora of holiday junk food around the office and goodies from neighbors, my pants are a bit more snug. I think I put on about 4 lbs over the holidays...not too bad considering, but still- a bit of a set back and enough to make me feel discouraged! 

I was at home the other day, organizing (one of my many new years resolutions) and I had the Taio Cruz station on Pandora. The music got me so pumped up that I began to choreograph my own little dance/kickbox routine and got my heart rate up for a bit. I started thinking about how fun it would be to be a kickboxing instructor, although given my lack of coordination when it comes to dancing, I probably wouldn't make a very good one. Maybe I could just lead a group of people in crazy dance/random movement!

Anyway, it's January 3rd. Today, eating habits weren't the greatest. Andrew's mom is in the hospital for a hip replacement so we're going to see her tonight, but when we get home, I'm going for a walk/jog. Something to get my heart rate up. 

How many of you go to the gym during your lunch hour? Thankfully, I work somewhere that I can wear jeans or even my workout clothes if I want to. I think I'll go to the gym during lunch. The more calories burned, the better, right?

{no recent facebook pictures? here's why...}

I laughed when I saw this because all I could think was, "Oh, it's just so true..." I hate all the pictures of me on facebook right now. If someone tags me, I immediately untag it. Why? Because of the weight I've gained. That is one of the reasons I'm determined to take it off. I'm so sick of hiding from people I haven't seen in awhile for fear of what they might think of me. Lord knows, some times I don't even recognize myself in pictures. All I see is a chub girl who resembles me. Not that I need to be totally narcissistic, but I want to post pictures of myself and think, "Dang girl, you fine!" Know what I mean?

I've been doing pretty well so far and have lost about 15 lbs. Woot woot! I'm about an 1/8 of the way, but I'm bound and determined! What is your motivation for losing the lbs? Best of luck!

no excuses

OMG

My coworker just posted of picture of the two of us on Facebook. She took it yesterday at our work Halloween party. The minute I saw it, I freaked out and immediately untagged it. But it's there now, in cyber space forever. A terrible picture of me. And not just a terrible picture...it's seriously so embarrassing. I hate how I look...and I hardly even recognized myself. As I sit and type this, I think...how did I let myself get this way!? When did I get so lazy? When did I become addicted to food? When did I stop working out?

So here I am, for the millionth time. Somethings gotta click. It has to. People can lose weight. My friend Karlie is proof of that. She's my inspiration. She and Katie helped pave the path, but I'm taking this blog solo for now and I'm not allowing comments. I need to be able to post whatever I want, whenever I want. Journal my success, frustrations, thoughts, etc. If you really want to say something, you can email me, but for now I'm just putting it all out there.

I had my husband take before and after pictures of me tonight. I wore the skinny workout outfit I used to love wearing. I looked hot in it, and now? Not so much. I'm not quite ready to post those pictures...hopefully soon. 

So to start, I'm listing the things I KNOW I'm doing wrong. Things that lead to this point, and 3 goals I have this week.

First, I'm eating all the damn time. Am I hungry? No. Am I bored? Yes...so I eat. I hate that I just typed that.

I also never, ever exercise anymore. And I have a gym membership. What a waste of money. To be honest though, I'm a little embarrassed to go to the gym. I hate that I am, because when I saw an obese person in the gym, I always thought, "You go girl!" or "Dude, you're awesome!" and had such respect for them, because I thought, "Gosh, that's probably so hard, coming to the gym working out in front of us fit folks." And now I'm the one who has to suck it up and put on a brave face. I hope the fit folk think I'm brave too...not just fat.

I really don't like myself. I cry typing this, but it's the truth. I used to love myself. I used to be so confident and happy and loved going out with friends and trying new things. Now? Not so much. I avoid seeing friends I haven't seen in awhile. Yes, I still laugh and I'm funny and I put on a happy face, but I haven't been comfortable with myself in a long time. I want the confident me back.

So this week, I'm going to track what I eat. I'll work out 3 times a week, and I'll start a gratitude journal and slowly work on getting the old me back.